Britain's Got Talent 2013 live: Join us for the news, action and funny stuff as it happens

Britain's Got Talent 2013 live: Join us for the news, action and funny stuff as it happens

It's that time again, no, not when you go and prep yourself for a Saturday night on the tiles, wowing every single member of the opposite sex that claps eyes on you. But the time when you reach for your stained trackie bottoms, grab a family sized bag of some variety of salty fried potato, pour a LARGE glass of your favourite tipple and settle down on the sofa for an evening of light, family entertainment, courtesy of the Britain's Got Talent judges, the acts hoping to impress them and US here at 3am, who will be providing some extra commentary that you simply can't live without. It's like we're sitting on the sofa with you, aren't you lucky.

Thanks to the little teasers the show releases before it airs,we already know that tonight's show contains some animals,other than head honcho Simon Cowell and his overly friendly sidekick David Walliams. There's a donkey, yes that's right, a donkey, called Patty whose owner seems to think can create masterpieces... with a paint brush. Seems Patty is a little more skilled at decorating the floor with her bottom droppings though - she doesn't need a brush for that.

Simon is an ass man - here's the proof

 

A dancing racoon called Melanie, which is quite possibly the most unsuitable name for a racoon we've ever heard - Rachael is much more appropriate - attempts to do a little dance.

A pooch called Yogi doesn't do much but disappoint Simon (he's very loyal to Pudsey, unlike all those ladies in his life). And a group of doggy beauticians, the League of Extraordinary Groomers, bring their judges stencils onto the stage, along with some furry friends. This is probably a good time to relive Pudsey's BGT audition.

 

Tonight's show is bound to be as strange as it sounds, but join us to find out at 7.30 please. Oh and actually, would you mind putting on a clean pair of comfys - we have sensitive noses.

See you at 7.30, ours is a large Pinot, thanks. And we won't be offended if you go out after, we'll be dashing off to knock em' dead too you know and not falling asleep in front of the telly covered in crisp crumbs, honest.