Turn off your radio, television and phone. Open the window. If you listen oh-so-carefully you’ll just be able to hear a tiny keening sound, like a puppy whimpering. That’s James Franco, finally accepting he will never ever receive The Hot Leftfield Movie Star That Everyone Adores award that was, if we’re being honest, never on the table to begin with. It’s always been Ryan Gosling’s.
Ever since The Gos starred in The Notebook in 2004 there were ripples of unrest amongst cinemagoing folk. ‘What is it about this guy that makes me feel like ripping off all my clothes?’ people would wonder, staring open-mouthed at a poster of Gos looking menacing - but still approachable - in posters for Drive in 2011.
What indeed. The release of his latest film, Only God Forgives, gives us a great excuse to run through the top 10 reasons why the Ryan Gosling International Worship Club (whi ch doesn’t actually exist…yet) is alive and well.
10. He had a dog called ‘Smidgen’
And it’s fluffy and white and he hugs it in this Mickey Mouse Club video from a thousand years ago.
Most importantly though, it’s called Smidgen. (Please also note that according to this video there’s a place called Cornwall in Canada. Who knew, eh?)
9. He was a ‘Mouseketeer’
You know the ‘in crowd’ at school who laughed when you asked if you could borrow someone’s protractor in maths? Well, in the early 1990s the Mickey Mouse Club was the cool gang of kids in the US. Ryan got to hang out with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears, all the while sporting a quiff like Zach’s from Saved By The Bell.
8. He can do the Dirty Dancing lift
As evidenced in Crazy, Stupid, Love when he admits it’s his signature move to lure women into the sack and Emma Stone demands proof. Any woman born in the 1970s or ’80s who says they never tried this move on one of their pals while imagining they were Baby in a prom dress is lying.
7. He broke up a real-life fight
Two guys were fighting over a painting in the middle of a street (it was a cultured fight, thank goodness), a bunch of people were recording it (and not helping, but we’ll forgive them that because they caught the magic on film) when along strides Ryan Gosling who calms everything down and sends them packing like a boss.
6. He is the king of the tumblr fan site
The F***YeahRyanGosling blog is still a sight for sore eyes (probably not for yours, James Franco). It consists of pictures of Gosling doing various things captioned by ‘Hey girl’ statements. For example, ‘Hey girl, can we read ‘The Middlesteins’ before bed tonight?’ Oh, go on then, Ryan. If we must.
5. He recreated the ‘Hey girl’ quotes on TV
For an interview with MTV he read some of the ‘Hey girl’ captions out loud and chortled a lot.
4. He’s a feminist icon
No, really. It all started after he heard his film Blue Valentine was going to get a NC-17 rating (which means only old un-shockable people can see it). He had a right rant about how this was probably down to a scene where he performs oral sex on his co-star Michelle Williams. He reckoned that if the scene was reversed and it was Williams performing oral sex on him the film wouldn’t have got such a harsh rating. Basically, he was saying it’s a load of sexist nonsense and the FeministRyanGosling blog was born. It publishes snaps of Gosling captioned with ‘Hey girl’ feminist quotes and there’s even a book called ‘Feminist Ryan Gosling: Feminist Theory from Your Favourite Sensitive Movie Dude’.
3. He made having a sex doll as a girlfriend okay
In Lars and the Real Girl he played Lars Lindstrom, a guy so crippling ly shy and lonely that he takes on a doll as a girlfriend. Gosling actually made the whole thing heart-warming.
2. Both women and men love him
Don’t believe me? Ask the hardest, most cynical, most I-hate-everything guy you know to watch Drive and then ask him what he thought of Ryan Gosling in it. He’ll say, ‘He was alright’, which translated means ‘I want to be him so badly my soul hurts.’
1. He finds a tea towel with his face on hilarious
When an interviewer produces a tea towel with his face printed on it during promotion for Gangster Squad he nearly cries with laughter. He says it’s the end of the world. And then he says he hasn’t seen Gangster Squad. What a hero.
0. (An extra. Couldn't resist). HE'S IN A BAND
Yep, the man can hold a tune and knows how to strum a guitar and he does both in Dead Man's Bones. Game over, ladies and gents. Â
Not had enough of Ryan - check out the gallery below - welcome.
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